Slowly at first, then all at once. That is how American law schools took on scam-like features until they reached their current state of degraded beyond repair. In 1993, Tulane became the first law school in the nation to offer a certificate of specialization in Sports Law for its JD students. Two other schools, Marquette and Fordham, have since followed, and many more offer Sports Law as an elective. And the unlovely visage of legal education was marred with a brand new excrescence.
I went to the Tulane Law website to find out what law students have to do to win the coveted certificate of specialization. The Tulane site, linked here, provides another link that you can click to download, in pdf., a 16-page brochure entitled "Sports Law" (hereinafter: "Brochure").
The young Tulane Sports Law hopeful must take Sports Law I and Sports Law II, Tax, Intellectual Property, Labor, Business Enterprises, and Intellectual Property. He or she must also choose from a menu of electives that includes "International Sports Law" and "Negotiation & Mediation Advocacy."
At least Sports Law at Tulane is not all dry book learning. For instance, the program offers the opportunity to intern for the Tulane Athletics Department and local sports teams, compete in the Tulane-created Sports Law Negotiation competition, attend the Sports Lawyers’ Association annual seminar, and research and write for program director Prof. Gabe Feldman’s monthly online newsletter.
Is Tulane’s certificate of specialization in Sports Law respected in the, uh, Sports Bar? The brochure suggests the following exciting career prospects:
* "You could be counsel to one of several hundred individual teams in major or minor league sports." (Brochure at p. 8)
* "You could be a lawyer for a player union." (Brochure at p. 9)
* "You might end up negotiating endorsement deals or television or movie contracts for high-profile athletes." (Brochure at p. 9)
* "You might represent the major or minor leagues themselves." (Brochure at p. 13)
* "How about representing sports facilities and their management?" (Brochure at p. 13)
*"Then there is representing sporting goods or equipment manufacturers or suppliers." (Brochure at p. 13)
* "Representing coaches is always fun." (Brochure at p. 13)
* "You could represent a university." (Brochure at p. 13)
* "The most likely scenario, though, is that you will develop expertise in an area of law with application to any number of industries and that you will work with a wide variety of clients. Your background in sports law, however, will position you to take special advantage of opportunities that arise for representation in the sports context. And if you’re determined and proactive, you could find yourself attracting sports clients or being hired by the sports employer of your dream." (Brochure at p. 14)Tulane has been conferring the Sports Law certificate of specialization for 20 years, so there must be available or obtainable data on how the certificate holders have fared. At this point, I do not think that even the law schools themselves (publicly) deny that their students and prospective students deserve accurate and comprehensive placement info. Plus, don't sports fans generally like to, you know, keep score? So I am sure that Tulane will be happy to answer the following questions:
How many Tulane JDs have earned the Sports Law certificate of specialization? And, of these, how many are counsel to a major or minor league sports team or players’ unions? How many represent the major or minor leagues themselves? How many have negotiated endorsement deals or television or movie contracts for high profile athletes? How many represent universities or have experienced the always-fun activity of representing coaches? How many have been hired by the sports employer of their dreams?
It is sad to picture a naïve kid entering the legal job market with this joke of a certificate adorning his or her resume, like a donkey's tail. It is sadder to think how little respect scamming law faculties have for the students who made them rich.
OK, so the sports law certificate is a scam. However, I think if you also got the maritime law certificate to go with it, you would have the inside track in the hot new legal area of professional underwater basket weaving contract negotiations.
ReplyDeleteNice!
DeleteOff topic, but check out this quote from Shawn O'Connor of USNWR:
ReplyDelete"For example, Vermont Law School is not a top 14 law school but is considered by many scholars and practitioners to be the clear leader in environmental law. When you are seeking a job in environmental law, the strength of Vermont's particular program will be quite impressive to employers who are, most often, specialists themselves in the field."
Where to even begin?
They should offer a special certificate in the booming field of opening JD programs.
ReplyDeleteMore reasonably, perhaps Drexel Law School can get its students internships with the famous campus cookie truck. The positions could provide credit towards the prestigious Certificate in Bakery Law. From there you're a shoo-in for Baker & McKenzie.
Hey, the University of Chicago Law School will soon be offering a Nietzsche certificate!
ReplyDeleteThe world's most flexible degree - it will open doors!
No joke - an attorney friend of my recently served as a mediator between a stripper and a regular patron of the strip club, regarding whether the transfer of certain assets from the patron to the stripper constituted a loan or a gift.
ReplyDeleteWhich law school will be the first to offer a certificate in the burgeoning field of Strip Club law?
I'm surprised some hole hasn't offered up sex law. Strippers, prostitutes, porn. We're talking contracts, torts, crim, 1st Amendment. Incredibly versatile, just like the best clients!
DeleteThe most likely scenario, though, is that you will develop expertise in bullshit with no application to any industries and that you will not be able to find work with any clients. Your background in sports law, however, will position you to take special advantage of opportunities for welfare that arise in the unemployment context. But, if you’re determined and proactive, you could find yourself doing enough document review to achieve your dream of paying off your debt.
ReplyDeletehttp://thirdtierreality.blogspot.com/2011/11/first-tier-trash-pit-tulane-university.html
ReplyDeleteApparently, the law school pigs at Tulane view a TTR dig at their "coveted" sports law certificate as a sign that this is a prestigious offering or program. Notice how the brochure cited by dybbuk relies on mere possibilities.
You could just as easily write, "As a high school dropout, you might win the lottery or end up becoming a famous Hollywood actor."
RAB's comment was hilarious. But it might also encourage the bastards to offer such a "program of study."
@ 6:38 am,
Shawn O'Connor runs a prep testing company. He has a ve$ted intere$t in having tons of people sign up for LSAT preparation.
Isn't is funny that the only two groups who are still encouraging people to apply to law school are: (a) university and law school employees, especially deans, faculty members and admissions offices; and (b) brainless, ball-less shills such as Mr. Insanity?
swarm swarm swarm:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.salon.com/2013/04/06/law_school_is_a_sham/
But the question is, are we swarming around those sources to comment and back up the real life stories of failure?
DeleteAnother sockpuppet.
Delete“Painted Puppet”
ReplyDeleteBy Maurice Leiter
Wooden hands around my wood.
Boylike hands, cupping my tiny twig.
Manfully handling my one inch girth.
Hard. Painted hands. I am the painter of the puppet. The Painted puppet,
Like and ant rising and falling. How can it be so?
I tug the strings.
Hands move. Up and down.
Human hands, other than mine, have not touched this organ.
Play me, puppet. Play me a solo. A tune of solo sex.
Human ass to puppet face. Are you Pinocchio?
Lie to me, puppet. Lie!
***You’re not fat!***
Oh, sweet nose, ticking my anus. More. More!
***You are an extraordinary legal scholar!***
Penetration. Penetrate deeper, painted puppet, my JD Painter.
***You’re an interesting Nietzsche scholar.***
Inches deep, headstrings pulled. Nod, puppet. Nod! Tickle my prostate.
***You will have sex with a woman. Other than rape.***
Prostate ahoy. Painted puppet’s nose to sweet, sweet organ, oh gay gland.
Make music for me, puppet! Play my organ!
***Nobody hates you. You're not a piece of shit mentally disturbed internet stalker cunt.***
Oh yeah. Milk me, my sober wooden friend.
***I don’t drink. I'm not a failure who sits at home and gets wasted and then posts comments on websites.***
Careful! Such a mammoth lie may skewer my heart, my Painted pal.
And I shed my milk, an orgasmless pulsing of
Cream, down the shaft, the trunk, to the
Wooden head below.
Puppet? Why do you drink so ferverishly?
For I have not pulled your mouth string?
Painted puppet?
Are you a real boy?
Have my dreams come true?
Am I a real pedophile?
Pray tell me it is so!
hahahahahahahahahhaaa.
DeleteAnother masterpiece of filth
ReplyDeleteOnly a matter of time before Maurice Leiter joins Catullus, Ginsberg and Bukowski in the pantheon of depraved poetry.
If you have a sportslaw specialization from tulane And a spacelaw llm from nebraska...you would be the most marketable lawyer in the multiverse!
ReplyDeleteWith a degree in space law and sports law, you are qualified to referee golf on the moon!
DeleteBwahahAa
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ReplyDeleteThe most likely scenario, though, is that you will develop expertise in bullshit with no application to any industries and that you will not be able to find work with any clients.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeletesounds like a bunch of people that have to much times on their hands and want to crack jokes because their dreams didn't come true
ReplyDeleteI graduated from Tulane and received the Sports Law certificate. Now I'm a part of an NFL front office.
ReplyDelete