Wednesday, April 24, 2019

Does it run in the Lamparello family?

Regular readers of OTLSS may recall Adam Lamparello, whose "snotty poor-little-me memoir about his disillusionment with practicing law, hookers, cocaine, his church, his frat, his girlfriends, and his alleged eating disorder" was featured here six years ago. He was one of the most, er, renowned professors at the late and unlamented Indiana Tech Law School. What he is doing now I cannot say, though I have information on two of his former colleagues, for anyone who cares to know: Peter Alexander is now "Interim Associate Dean for Academic Affairs and Visiting Professor of Law" at the notorious über-toilet law school of the University of North Texas, and André Douglas "Dougie Fresh" Pond Cummings—now with capital letters!—has a new position at private über-toilet St Thomas University.

The name Lamparello was recently in the news: just days after the fire at Notre-Dame in Paris, a Marc Lamparello was arrested and charged with second-degree attempted arson, second-degree reckless endangerment, and trespassing for going into midtown Manhattan's famous St Patrick's Cathedral with two jerry cans of gasoline, two bottles of charcoal-lighting fluid, and two long-handled butane lighters. It turns out that he was also about to leave for Rome on a "one-way ticket" that had cost him $2800. Unless he was in first class, he paid an awful lot. Probably he bought the ticket at the last minute. Since the items that he was carrying upon arrest are not allowed on airplanes, presumably he planned to stop at a Roman gas station on his way from the airport to St Peter's Basilica.

It seems that Marc Lamparello and Adam Lamparello are brothers. Adam made typically asinine statements to the press about this incident, and both Adam and Marc live in the small town of Hasbrouck Heights, New Jersey. But they have more in common: both of them have a theoretical claim to being professors. Marc is listed on a book as "a Boston College-educated philosophy professor", though he has no PhD (that's in the works at CUNY). Apparently the "philosophy professor" has merely taught a couple of courses as an adjunct at a few institutions in the general vicinity of New York City.

Also, the brothers Lamparello share a penchant for self-promotional scribbling. Marc may not yet have discovered the advantages of tell-all vulgar memoirs but "is currently working on two other book-length projects, including a witty dialogue on arguments for and against the existence of God, and a series of essays on the epistemology of practical motivation". The "witty dialogue" reminds me of the sickening "Rodrigo chronicles" that come out of the ass of hackademic poseur Richard Delgado. As for "practical motivation", I don't even know what it is. Is it contrasted with impractical motivation?

Marc Lamparello has published a book, Reason and Counterpoint. "Presented in the form of aphorisms and paragraph-length insights"—prime vehicles for serious philosophical discourse—the book asks "What is the nature of the a priori?". (That it is a priori.) Also, "Can we really rely on our own cognitive architecture in distilling the nature of moral-practical motivation?" (If we can't rely on our own cognitive architecture, then on what, exactly, shall we rely? Coin tosses?)

In any event, Daddy is awfully proud of dear Marc: "His writings — other professors can’t even understand his writings." That's because they're shite, idiot. What's the use of incomprehensible writing?

Marc and Adam also share a certain self-image that might remind one of Narcissus. The article reports that Marc "Lamparello is a frequent poster on the Reddit community 'AmIUgly,' where users ask for their appearance to be rated. In recent years, Lamparello has replied to dozens of women with critiques." What sort of person would frequent a Web site for people who are concerned about being perceived as ugly? and send dozens of women critiques of their appearance? Last August he wrote "I’m going through a phase. After not giving a shit about my appearance for 20 years, I’ve swung in the opposite direction. Now, I’m very vain and appearance-obsessed." I don't ordinarily think ill of other people's appearance, but after reading that I had to look at his pictures again. For someone who is "very vain" (nice that he admits it) "and appearance-obsessed", he certainly has far to go. That bushy beard only accentuates the receded hairline. Decent clothes, instead of those tatty-ass T-shirts, would also help.

Apparently with no success at all, Marc has been "going for in-shape women who are a little attractive, and have a few nice features". Assessing people as "attractive" or "nice" solely by their appearance is terribly shallow—not what one would expect of a brilliant philosopher. Pathetically, Marc seeks the solution to his problems in plastic surgery: he is saving his pennies for procedures that will take him "from a 4/10 to a 7.2-7.3/10". He'd do better to keep his money and address his wretched personality. He published the following: "All I know is, if the French dislike us for something, we must be doing something right. They think they’re so much more sophisticated and culturally alluring than us. But secretly, they’re jealous of us and want to be us. Never forget that, fellow Americans." Yes, that's straight from the pen of sophisticated, culturally alluring Marc Lamparello.

Back to the scene of the crime. When Marc was caught in flagrante delicto (I couldn't resist the pun), he had parked his minivan in front of Saks Fifth Avenue. I'm not aware of any legal parking along Fifth Avenue at that busy location. The vehicle would have been towed quickly enough, but apparently Marc didn't intend to stay long. Anyway, in statements to the police (didn't his brother Adam, allegedly a great lawyer, advise him against making a statement?), Marc claimed that the vehicle had run out of gas and that he was merely cutting through the cathedral in order to get to Madison Avenue. Now, how much sense does that make? His vehicle was found not to be out of gas after all. He had taken two jerry cans of gasoline out of his vehicle and was taking them elsewhere. Why didn't he pour the gasoline into the tank, if that was the issue? Why was he going to Madison Avenue? Not to get gas: there is no gas station on the island of Manhattan within dozens of blocks. Is it even possible for the general public to cut through the cathedral in order to go between Fifth and Madison? Who the hell would do that rather than walking, say, along 50th Street? Especially with hands full of inflammable materials, just days after a fire at another cathedral. And why was he carrying fuel inside a vehicle? Not smart.

The police have nonetheless reported that "[i]t's hard to say what exactly his intentions were". Oh, come on! In the wake of that fire at Notre-Dame, he walked into a cathedral heavily laden with jerry cans of gasoline, bottles of charcoal-lighter fluid, and long-handled lighters (two of each—maybe he was playing Noah's Ark). What could his intentions have been, if not to burn the building down? To replenish the church's generator and then grill some hot dogs on the altar? Without wishing to convict him on the strength of the story given here, I find it hard to see a source of reasonable doubt about attempted arson.

Perhaps the police meant that they could not immediately tell whether Marc Lamparello was driven by malevolence or psychosis. I certainly cannot comment on that. One thing is clear, though: the Lamparellos of Hasbrouck Heights, New Jersey, never fail to surprise.


  1. cummings is teaching at University of Arkansas - Little Rock School of Law

    1. Is he still there? He is also listed at St Thomas University:

      The biography at St Thomas' Web site appears to have been copied wholesale from Arkansas–Little Rock's, with only minor changes.

      And he was teaching "Hip Hop & the American Constitution" again last year. Jesus H Christ.

  2. This site has officially jumped the shark.

    1. Maybe it is sweeps ratings month.

    2. I had to look up "jumped the shark". Apparently it comes from Happy Days. I always hated Happy Days (a glorification of the racist, sexist, jingoist McCarthy era), so it's no surprise that I hadn't encountered this expression.

      Perhaps this site has exhausted its potential. You'll notice that we've been posting less often in recent months. Most of what there is to say about the law-school scam we have said several times over. On top of that, I am depleted. I've been out of work for the better part of a year and see little hope of working as a lawyer again. There's nothing left for me to do.

    3. I can think of far more remunerative ways for you to spend your time.

      I suspect an actual legal job may be out of the question. Claiming to have attended an "elite" (read Top 20) law school doesn't impress people these days, ironically due in part to our heroic efforts on this blog.

      But there are crying unmet demands for mentally skilled labor in the booming Trump economy. If all else fails, you could swallow hard and learn how to code.

      And cheer up. Since you've managed to remain anonymous, your frequent outrageous moral and political gaffes on this blog won't matter a bit, if only you can avoid repeating them in a workplace.

    4. When did law school jump the shark?

    5. Early to mid 1970's. People who graduated around 1972-1973 were the last ones for whom practicing law was a license to steal without committing any crimes. Then there was a general realization that law schools were cash cows and loads of smallish colleges and universities began to open schools and practitioners not much interested in actual work started forming independents. Look at the years that these third and fourth tier toilets were founded. Valpo was very much an exception. By the 1980's there were over 160 ABA accredited schools (a/k/a 80 too many) and by the dawn of the new Millenium there were 200+. People who enrolled in first-tier schools in the early 1980's saw an established path to partnership or in-house success, a vision that was soon wiped away like a picture on a chalk board that was suddenly erased. After that, anyone who enrolled outside the T-5 or so and borrowed six figures to do it was beyond hope to start with.

    6. So law school jumped the shark before Happy Days did (September 20, 1977)

    7. OG,

      With all due respect, I understand that you are depleted. Yes, this blog has done a great job discussing the scam. You have said everything there is to say about the scam several times over. But this site has not exhausted its potential. You can use this blog to seek help. Not only for you personally, but for other JDs in similar situations. What should older JDs in your situation do?

      A friend of mine is an older attorney. He has practiced nearly 20 years. He lost his job about a year ago. He applied everywhere. He applied for federal jobs, state jobs, and small firm jobs such as criminal defense and family law. After about a year of searching, he got an insurance defense job. He got the job despite no experience in insurance defense. He did have litigation experience though. Also worth noting, he does not like his job. He hopes to find something else in a few years. Another friend is a criminal defense solo. He works out of a dilapidated professional building. He is getting by. All the talk about networking to get a job is BS. He networks with other attorneys to get referrals. He spends half his day on social media bragging about the latest case he got dismissed for his client with the hope of getting more business. I also have some friends in the Federal system. They are not in prestigious jobs like the U.S. Attorney’s office. They say openings for federal jobs in undesirable locations can be much less competitive. Take a look at USA jobs.

      I don’t know your goals. Perhaps applying to every job opening for the chance to work in a legal job you don’t like is not the right path. Maybe working as a struggling criminal defense lawyer is not for you either. In no way am I trying to say the legal market is great and anyone can be successful in law. We have discussed many times over going to law school is a bad investment and the legal market is not great. I am merely trying to present some options if you wanted to try and get by and work as a lawyer again. If you wanted to do something outside of the field of law, I’m sure other commenters would have ideas.

  3. When I first heard about the attempt at St. Patrick's, I thought to myself "huh, what are the odds? Nah, that's crazy, just coincidence on the last name."

    Truth is indeed stranger than fiction.

  4. Well, if we have jumped the shark let's get back to the basics with another sure-to-be-ignored cautionary tail for lemmings.

    Last week a lawyer in Bristol, CT drew 46 months in Club Fed for ripping off people for whom she had been appointed conservator for a total of about $169K. Her backstory is UCLA Law (15th in the latest You Ass News rankings). Lasted a year in NYC biglaw, Two years in Hartford-sized biglaw, then a year in a big firm made up of small offices all over creation. Then wound up solo. Got into local politics, given several conservatorships by the elected local probate judge. Ripped off six of her wards in various ways, including: Sold the homes of two for below assessed value to a relative who renovated them and flipped them for big profits with kickbacks to her. Lent her husband's foundering internet radio station $110,000.00 from the funds of an 89-year-old ward with - get this - a ten year repayment schedule. Used another's ATM card for personal purposes, charged exorbitant fees, etc.

    Free legal advice to lemmings planning to practice law in the dying, insolvent State of Connecticut: If it looks like the Dee Cees are closing in on you spill your guts to your local State's Attorney and get a state deal ASAP. Earlier this year a former probate judge who stole over $400K from two clients (and didn't even try to hide it, just wrote checks to himself from the trust account) drew a one year state sentence and is lounging in minimum security. As a non-violent offender he'll be out in under six months with time for good behavior. The G-Men could have nailed him for mail fraud but were apparently satisfied that he got something and didn't pursue it.

    AND free advice for all lemmings: If a T-15 degree and a start in the big city ended that way do you think you'll get rich like what you see on TV with a second-tier degree because you are "really good on your feet?"

  5. The BEA 2018 GDP by industry data is available. In 2018, the U.S. economy grew 2.9% while the legal industry only grew 1.3%. This year was an improvement for the legal industry compared to 2017, when the legal industry declined 0.05%. The real GDP of the legal industry is still down 0.6% since 1997, while the U.S. economy has grown 61% over that period of time.

    The ABA has also released job data for the class of 2018. Despite the declines in law school enrollment and the strong economy, 7.28% of 2018 law grads were still unemployed 10 months after graduation. According to the BLS, the national unemployment rate was 3.8% in February and March. So law grads were nearly twice as likely to be unemployed compared to the general population.

    1. And even it we accept that 7.28% figure, that definitely does not mean that 92.72% are working in positions requiring a JD or that all, many or most even require a undergrad degree. Nor does not indicate whether positions a part time, full time, per diem, temp, etc.

    2. Also, the total # of jobs found by recent graduates continued to decline.