Thursday, July 2, 2015

A Treasury of Idiotic Quotes About Legal Education, Vol. 5: Elon Law Dean Luke Bierman explains why "it may actually be a wonderful time to go to law school."

 
(Adding his two cents...or his nonsense?)
 
Law school deans, including those from truly bottom-feeding law schools,  typically draw enormous compensation and perks galore. One minor, though likely very gratifying, perk is that a law dean is listened to, and even taken seriously, when he or she spouts banalities about change, the future, and values.

Why do law deans so often speak and write like clueless gasbags even though, whatever one thinks of their behavior, they are obviously highly sophisticated executives? It is because theirs is a stupidity with a purpose-- for instance, to evade or shift responsibility, to sound profound or leaderly, or just to serve their scamming institutions via some good old-fashioned hustling--and their rhetoric and prescriptions may reflect these insufficiently-concealed motives.
 
Consider the following quote from Elon Law School Dean Luke Bierman, explaining why it "may actually be a wonderful time to go to law school." This quote comes from Bierman’s two-paragraph-long concurring statement to the 62-page report ("Report") that was recently issued by the American Bar Association's Task Force on Financing Legal Education:
"Law schools can’t fulfill their missions and be successful without students. And students are not going to matriculate to law school if the legal profession does not provide opportunity for a meaningful career. The academics, practitioners and judges who comprise the legal profession must recognize and embrace that we are passing through a moment in time defined by rapidly changing social, cultural and economic norms that present challenges to the continued vitality if not relevance of our profession. The pace of technological innovation alone creates legal uncertainties and controversies that we barely can distinguish let alone solve in real time. Our profession must honestly and creatively embrace the challenges attendant this transformative moment to identify and preserve values core to our role in society as the shepherds of the rule of law while concomitantly adapting to a new era. From this perspective, it may actually be a wonderful time to go to law school and join a generation that must forge new paths and new opportunities. It remains, then, for our profession to accomplish this reset in a forthright and productive manner, which will do more to help law schools than any prescriptions by any task force anywhere."
          Report, p. 56.

You would think that a Ph.D and former general counsel to the New York State comptroller could do better than that after several months of meta-deliberations about law school costs, which included consultation with 13 fellow ABA Task Force honchos, testimony and written comments from experts and stakeholders, access to information from the ABA that is not publicly available, and staff and research support from the ABA.  But, of course, Bierman's is a stupidity with a purpose.

Is Bierman saying anything of substance here? What is left, if anything, once you subtract the sententious guff about paths of opportunity, moments of transformation, and--my favorite--"shepherds of the rule of law"? What Bierman is saying (or, rather, what I think he is saying, it is written in Deanspeak) is simply that the practicing bar should hire more recent law grads (i.e. "provide opportunity for a meaningful career. . ."). You know, to show its adaptive relevance and vindicate the noble mission of law schools. But what if the practicing bar fails, nonetheless, to heed Bierman’s inspirational call? Well, in that case, you can hardly blame him, or any law school dean, for anything worse than being overly idealistic about lawyers.
 
Elon Law has indicated that it intends to expand the size of its entering class by 15%, which a non-clueless observer would have to regard as an extremely irresponsible move, especially for a law school that already has a notably awful placement record and a 148 median LSAT (which is down, by the way, from 153 only three years ago). But a law school Dean or a clueless gasbag could say that Elon is simply giving more kids a wonderful chance to join their generation in forging new opportunity paths.
 
Here is my free-form translation of Bierman’s quoted statement. I invite readers to provide their own translations in the comment thread.  
Predators can't fulfill their missions and be successful without prey. And the supply of prey is threatened when shepherds fail to cooperate with predators. As practitioners of a shepherding profession, we must embrace our responsibilities to the flock of recent law grads by heeding their plaintive bleats for meaningful sustenance. The vitality and relevance of shepherds have been celebrated for millennia, and yet the simple shepherds of yore lacked today’s transformative technologies to assist them in forging new paths to rich pastures of opportunity. From this perspective, it may actually be a wonderful time to go to law school and join a generation of sheep. It remains, then, for shepherds to accomplish a productive reset, which will be more helpful to predators than any Task Force of Wolves. No need to marvel at my eloquence, just pass me another enormous helping of lamb chops.

26 comments:

  1. This is a great post and speaks many truths. However, maybe the thing to do is email the dean with our interpretations of his bs that way this post does not become yet another discussion amongst ourselves.

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    1. OTLSS posts are read by at least some of the scammers whose pompously stupid declarations or scholarshit is profiled here. I have personal knowledge of this.

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    2. Indeed, many scam artists follow OTLSS closely. Remember that at a recent fancy junket for 500-odd admissions scamsters we were likened to the Wicked Witch of the West. And that, incidentally, proves that we are hitting them hard. If we were just a handful of bitchy malcontents, the scamsters wouldn't even mention us, still less identify us as a major threat to the law-school scam.

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    3. Starting in the fall of 2011, the simple words "Law School Scam" have been driving the greedy deans and the lazy profs absolutely crazy. It's comical and beautiful, and also utterly terrifying, that the scamsters already know full well about the three magic words that can send their childish fantasy lives crashing down.

      I've tried hard lately to publicize the law school scam to a few relatives. They seemed most receptive to the issues of cost and debt. Employment issues didn't always resonate, specially with a relative who just made partner at a national Biglaw firm. But he deals in financial analysis all the time, so the issue of debt made immediate sense to him.

      You also need to appeal to the ideological peculiarities of each individual you know. Liberals often get upset about corporatization and profit seeking at universities and law schools. Conservatives often get upset that there aren't enough Biglaw jobs, or that the government forgives debt more quickly for anti-corporate "public interest" lawyers. Both sides are partly right, and we need to quit fighting with them long enough to fill in the gaps in their awareness. Once they know what you know, the law school scam is a unique feel-good issue that appeals to our common humanity and leaves families, friends, and neighbors closer together than ever.

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  2. "Law schools can’t fulfill their missions and be successful without students."

    Indeed. In order to make an omelette, you have to crack a few eggs, as they say. Lemmings, do your duty for the greater good (and academic paychecks)!

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    1. Given the median LSAT scores we are seeing at trash heaps like Elon, the term "students" is a bit of a stretch. I think it would more accurate to say that law schools can't fulfill their missions and be successful without student loan conduits.

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    2. "Law schools can’t fulfill their missions and be successful without students."

      Translation: "Law school deans can't get paid without students."

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    3. Law $chool$ can't fulfill their mi$$ion$ and be $ucce$$ful without stupidents.

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    4. Yeah, this was my favorite part too. For a law school to be "successful," students must matriculate. For students to matriculate, they must believe they will be successful. Nowhere is law school "success" tied to positive student outcomes, only to matriculation.

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  3. This is off-topic, but Al Brophy has a paper out attempting to re-rank schools more according to outcomes (both learning and employment), and then compares his rankings with USNWR to say which schools are most under-rated.

    And over-rated. It may come as no surprise to y'all, and really also not surprising to me, but I was very interested to see which school has the dubious distinction of being most over-rated using Brophy's 2-variable ranking system (employment and median LSAT).

    Someone should have this paper printed up on nice linen stock, bound, ribboned, and delivered to Diamond's office at SCU with a box of chocolates for condolences.

    http://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=2624399

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    1. But that paper seems to equate working as a 40k family lawyer in Rapid City to what Santa Clara grads do, which is eventually make millions in stock options working for hot, sexy start-ups in Silicon Valley.

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    2. "...which is eventually make millions in stock options working for hot, sexy start-ups in Silicon Valley."

      I didn't even know that strippers *got* stock options. Also, is that now a 'JD Advantage' job?

      -Barry

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    3. This obsession with rankings is a reason why legal education is in this mess. At this point, these rankings are meaningless. Just say no to law school.

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  4. Inoright? Totally unfair, I agree. But according to S&M, even for the domestic law practitioner, it's still worth a million over the long haul.

    You've just got to take the long view.

    The exception of course is law profs, who without exception would have gone on to become white-shoe partners where the APP is ca. $3.2 mio. had they not ducked out of BigLaw after 3 months to follow their academic whimsies. Those guys are all totally sacrificing for the cause of higher education.

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  5. In related news, Cockroach Bierman thinks now may actually be an amazinz time to purchase a horse and buggy!

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  6. Pedophiles can’t get sexual satisfaction and get themselves off without children. And children are not going to visit pedophiles' houses if pedophiles do not provide opportunity for a meaningful delivery of candy. The perverts, sick fucks and psychopaths (and law professors) who comprise the ranks of pedophiles must recognize and embrace that we are passing through a moment in time defined by rapidly changing social, cultural and economic norms that present challenges to the continued vitality of our fantasies. The pace of technological innovation alone creates legal uncertainties and controversies that we barely can distinguish let alone solve in real time. Pedophiles must honestly and creatively embrace the challenges attendant this transformative moment to identify and preserve values core to our role in society as the shepherds of the sexual needs of children while concomitantly adapting to a new era. From this perspective, it may actually be a wonderful time to go visit a pedophile and join a generation that must forge new paths and new opportunities to obtain sugar. It remains, then, for pedophiles to accomplish this reset in a forthright and productive manner, which will do more to help pedophiles than any prescriptions by any task force anywhere.

    Yeah not sure it works linguistically and it's not as good as the predators/prey thing, but those fuckers in law schools share more in common with pedophiles than they'd like to believe.

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  7. Scammers should beware becoming the minority, without the full force of the majority leveled at them.

    Let them sign up and defraud everyone in the country! A defrauded lawyer in every home!

    The tide of politics will change because the vast majority of the younger generations are getting screwed, and the numbers/severity of the screw jobs are getting worse all the time.

    My goal is too see the laws changed to punish the scammers. Punish them first in their wealth: take it for participating; take their estates and then if they're still alive take their freedom. Take it all. No such thing as clean money here; they're all guilty. They have choice, they choose to benefit from the ugliest, most outrageous, economic and legal inequality since the conditions that gave rise to the invention of unions.

    Think big, kids. Think about turning the tide back and getting justice.

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    1. Scams are everywhere these days.You're probably benefitting from some kind of scam yourself. You sound like you don't have much wealth yourself; the idea of wealth seems to drive you crazy. But I'd like to see someone take away your freedom. You don't understand it and don't deserve it.

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    2. 11:44 is talking about fraud, not wealth creation by innovation within capitalism which is a social and individual good. Law schools are profiting off a public policy disaster which is idiotic to allow to continue. Federal asset forfeiture for all those involved is a great idea so taxpayers can get their money back and students scammed can go on with their lives. Fraud in the marketplace is illegal and occurring due to law schools committing it. I am disgusted as a millennial as to how older generations of Americans act. The super-rich have destroyed our society in a short period of time. The greatest generation paid it forward and built the best infrastructure ever in the post-WW2 period and then their idiotic offspring fucked everything up. It's our task to fix it. My guess is 4:38 is a boomer who loves fraud.

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    3. See, this is a good example of a crook hoping to make some dirty money on the back end of the law school scam. Our friend at 11:03 knows that most seized assets just "disappear" from custody or get sold at rigged auctions, and wants to get his greasy hands on some money, houses, cars, you name it.

      But 11:03 is too stupid and naïve to understand that you need serious connections to make money that way. And ranting on a blog isn't really a connection; in fact it's evidence of isolation and impotence. So, 11:03, if you actually try to take someone's house or money in your current state of mind, you could get seriously injured or end up in prison. Why don't you give the thuglife fantasies a rest until you've learned enough about fraud to get a prosecutor on your side?

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    4. LOL @ 11:09 PM,

      Go check your 401k and mutual funds for exposure to Puerto Rican bonds, Chicago Muni bond, SLABS, RMBS, and Greek sovereign debt! Or the Shanghai Stock Exchange!

      What cannot be repaid will not be repaid. The tyranny of regulatory and price-fixed generational ripoffs is falling apart.

      While you're at it, check the solvency of SSDI and SSI, the pension fund for whatever scam you work for, and the BONDS OF YOUR ALMA MATER!

      Then check the demographics on Millennials versus Boomers.

      FOR THE TIMES THEY ARE A CHANGIN'!!!!

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    5. 4:21 this is 11:03; I'm not really sure where 11:09 was talking about saying I was "stupid and naive" when I simply pointed out disaster capitalism as practiced by legal educators is falling apart. Um, I'm not making any money obviously and I love that capitalism creates wealth. Sure beats neo-feudalism which is where we are headed as a society. Hooray for serfdom! All hail our financial overlords!

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    6. At least in feudalism you have a livelihood under your feudal lord, even if it is a difficult one. With law school, it's quite likely that you will have no livelihood!

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  8. Forge new paths and new opportunities? This horseshit rhetoric always sounds the same like the opening monologue to Star Trek. Of course, there might be people who actually believe that show is real.

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    1. lol!

      Yeah, those were different days. More optimistic about the future and the potential of humanity. That was Roddenberry. We actually could use more people who thought this way instead of the way the law school scammers think. People who try to elevate or want to see humanity elevated vs. people who lie and feed off others with no conscience. Yes, these people are predators. Look, there's no way they don't know the outcomes. They know. And they just.. simply.. do not care. What they care about is the money and their lifestyles. That's the beginning and the end of it with these people. I keep thinking back to Pace's "3 + 3" program. Jesus.. come out at 25 years old or so, in debt to the tune of $250,000, and your life is already done. Anyone think these people care? Either at the college undergrad level or at the law school? I don't think so... You've been made a Debt Serf for life, at 25, with no way out. But.. that was the whole idea, right? Everyone won - except you. Everyone profited off you - except you. Yup.. everything today in America is a scam and it starts early now. Very early.

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  9. I trust that at least some of you fellow scam-bloggers have seen the following:

    http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/wireStory/silicon-valley-company-starts-court-disputes-online-32395034

    Spoiler: Lawyers will even less necessary in the future. The article begins,

    "Imagine working out a divorce without hiring an attorney or stepping into court or disputing the tax assessment on your home completely online."

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