Thursday, December 19, 2013

Toilet Paper

I’m referring to “The Brief”, Volume 1, Issue 1, the “newspaper” published by Indiana Tech Law School.  Please, please go here to read it yourself.  A few highlights:

Page 1, headline: “Tech Era Law Begins.”  Hopefully, we can all do our part to ensure that the Tech Era Law ends within a year.  A typical fluff piece, not much to see other than a giant front page photograph of Dean Peter Alexander receiving "a medallion" to signify his investiture as VP and dean of the law school.  A fitting start, seeing as this entire law school is nothing more than Dean Alexander's vanity project.

Page 2, headline: no, it's not about law or the amazing students or the great facilities or the world-class faculty.  "Art Collection Fills the Law Building.”  Yup, lead with the important stuff.  Like the decoration.

Page 2, sidebar from the follically-challenged scamster himself, Dean Peter Alexander.  He’s here to solicit cash, a true salesman.  Always Be Closing.  “Please visit our website and make a gift to add to our scholarship endowment or the Dean’s Discretionary Fund.” Discretionary Fund?  Slush Fund.

Then my favorite story.  Page 2, an article entitled, “Climbing to the Top”, by scam victim law student Rachel Johnson.  She recounts how she based her decision to attend law school on a truly bizarre, unconnected event.  Let’s listen to her explain: “Last summer I decided to overcome my fear of heights by climbing Half Dome in Yosemite. I told myself that if I could conquer Half Dome, I would finally quit my job and focus on getting into law school.” Er, yeah.  After much description of her climbing “struggle”, she writes: “When I got to the top, I screamed, ‘I made it and I’m going to law school!’ At that moment, I heard people clapping and cheering for me.”  She might as well have tossed a coin to decide whether to attend or not.  Her little story reminded me of Leo DiCaprio standing on the bow of the Titanic, shouting, “I’m King of the World.”  Little did he know that soon he’d be at the bottom of the ocean.  I expect Rachel’s career will take a similar trajectory.  It’s not too late to quit, Rachel.

Page 3 begins with the headline, “Love of Law Profession Draws Judge to Teach.”  And credit where credit is due, Professor Judith Fitzgerald clearly has the experience to teach law.  But she’s teaching it at a scam law school, which makes her part of the problem, not part of the solution.

Bottom of page 3, we see a profile of one of the attorney-mentors for the students at Indiana Tech Law School, Andrew Palmison of Rothberg, Logan & Warsco.  He’s a bit meh – average education, average firm, insurance defense practice.  Hardly going to get his assigned students the insider connection anywhere beyond Fort Wayne's insurance defense community, but if that's your goal in life, who am I to judge?  (I'd strongly suggest going to a school other than Indiana Tech though - at least one that is accredited.)  I’m assuming he’s not working for free either, so it'll be interesting to see how much money the school is throwing at these mentors in order for them to sully their resumes with the name of this law school.  "Look, I mentored failures!" Andrew, if you’d like to correct me on your financial gain from this arrangement, please email me at outsidethelawschoolscam@gmail.com.

Page 4 is dedicated to Indiana Tech’s very own Nelson Mandela, a certain student called “Prosper Batinge.” Indiana Tech’s scammy fingers reach all the way to Ghana for this victim, although I expect that he (and most of the other students featured in the magazine) are on some kind of scholarship.  Note that all of Indiana Tech’s scholarships are contingent – i.e. a scam within a scam.  Prosper sounds nice enough, although his strong accent is evidently a bit of a problem: “He is dismayed when people are hesitant to ask ‘what?’ and have him repeat himself. . . . So please… ask him ‘what?’ ‘what?’ ‘what?’ as much as you need… because with Batinge, you can be certain that what he has to offer is worth the perseverance.”  Yeah, right.  Let’s see how that translates into success in the practice of law.  Let’s see how well the jury understands what he’s saying, or how long the judge’s patience lasts, or how quickly clients tire of continuously asking, “What?”  Let’s hope this isn’t some new way to rack up fees – saying everything twice.  (Note the dismal level of English in the writing of this particular article.  It was written by a law professor, Nancy Marcus.  She must have gone to the Dean Alexander School of Not Giving a Fuck.)

Interestingly, Prosper’s home country of Ghana has got the law school thing right.  “In 2008, Batinge took the Ghana law school entrance exam for the first time, but was not surprised when he did not get in; out of many thousands of applicants every year, only 100 are accepted to become students at one
of Ghana’s three law schools.” We have much to learn – three schools that limit supply into the profession before the lives of the students are irreparably damaged.  No toilet law schools like Indiana Tech in Ghana.  Send your rejects to the US!  We’ll take ‘em!

Page 5 contains a profile of drug and hooker aficionado Professor Adam Lamparello.  Enough said, and I refer you back to the great post by dybbuk that highlights the sheer unbelievability of his appointment to any position of responsibility.  His presence on the faculty makes an utter mockery of Indiana Tech's commitment to high ethical standards.

Page 6, a nice little bio of Aretha Green, one of the faculty.  Nothing wrong with her other than the fact she’s working at a scam school and making a living from the impending misery of the graduates.  Also a small piece by Assistant Dean for Administration and Outreach Tom Fox, who tells us about the law school’s Constitution Day celebrations, including how “the law school courtroom was the site of a continuing education (CLE) program attended by several members of the local legal community.” A whole several members?  What is that?  Three people?

Page 7, a profile of Anna Johnson, another member of the faculty with an obvious love of her favorite lunch, the "fried bologna sandwich with mayonnaise."  I hope the school has AEDs strategically placed throughout, if there's any wall space left between all that art.  She has the strangest, creepiest hobby: “I call myself a ‘lookie-lue.’ I love going out looking at real estate and open houses. I don’t have plans to buy.”  Errr, okay.  (Back in a bit – just going to lock my doors and close the curtains.)  Note that she's the registrar, the person with access to all of your personal information, your files, everything about you that you might not want a snoop having access to.  To the question about what books she’s currently reading, she answers: “No books.  I love People and Essence.” This is a member of the faculty!  Gossip magazines, snooping in houses, and a diet that's the culinary equivalent of chain smoking.  As a sidenote, the article itself is written by someone with the writing skills of a middle school student.  Not a professor this time, but where are they finding these illiterates?

Page 7, the pyramid scheme begins.  “Pre-Law Group Helps Undergrads Prepare.” Yes, the 1Ls at Indiana Tech Law School are helping undergrads study for the LSAT.  I guess the 1Ls are sucked in now and have to have at least two new classes under them to float the law school until they graduate.  And which poor undergraduates want to be coached by students with a median LSAT of 146?  That’s setting them up for failure.  Which is, I suppose, the whole idea.  If the undergrads score higher, they’ll go to real law schools and not flush their money down this toilet.

THE MESSAGE IS CLEAR.  IF YOU ARE APPLYING TO INDIANA TECH LAW SCHOOL, YOU SHOULD NOT BE GOING TO LAW SCHOOL.  EVEN IF YOU GET IN, YOU WILL ALMOST CERTAINLY FAIL AS A LAWYER.  THE MARKET IS GLUTTED WITH GRADUATES FROM FAR BETTER SCHOOLS THAN INDIANA TECH LAW SCHOOL, AND YOU WILL BE AN EXTREMELY UNATTRACTIVE CANDIDATE IN A HIGHLY COMPETITIVE MARKET.  EXPECT UNEMPLOYMENT TO BE THE DEFAULT OUTCOME FROM INDIANA TECH LAW SCHOOL.  YOUR STUDENT LOAN DEBT, IF YOU BORROW TO ATTEND THIS SCHOOL, WILL BE AT LEAST $144,000.  HOW ARE YOU GOING TO PAY THAT BACK?

29 comments:

  1. This trash pit loves issuing worthless medallions and oaths. Apparently, the dolts believe that this will attract classes larger than 33 students. Perhaps, they think that this will be a metric in the US "News" & World Report rankings scheme.

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  2. (sigh) At the risk of being a negative-nelly, the story about overcoming one's fears and achieving a goal is inspirational, but that has nothing to do with law school.

    Yeah, yeah, I get that she was "afraid" to make a change in her career, just like she was "afraid" to tackle her fear of heights and overcome her prior self-doubts, but...the latter pays long-term dividends, but the former generates long-term debt. I'm sure it was in her admissions essay and all that.

    These people prey on the aspirations of the young and immature and uninformed. I hope she does well, somehow, but the statistics are not good.

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    1. Climbing Half Dome is easy. It's nearly all hiking, admittedly a bit steep at times. For the last hundred yards you walk up a wooden lattice with solid hand cables at waist level on either side. Really young, old, gimpy and fat people do it all the time. That's the real danger - too many people on the route.
      I did it one and three-quarters times, but in the off season when they take away the wooden steps and the cables are on the rock, and you have to drag yourself up on your belly. Didn't make it the second time because there was a big block of ice in the way and I didn't have a hammer or axe and my hands were freezing. That was a little bit hairy.

      Indiana Tech is the Potemkin Law School. It kinda sorta looks like a law school, but it's all fake. No real students, no real profs, and no real degree - and no future. It won't last more than a few years and will be replaced by a Cheesecake Factory franchise.

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    2. Kind of like most TTT law schools. It sounds like an achievement until you actually show up and see the absurd reality for yourself.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:HalfDomeTraffic.jpeg

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    3. I am afraid of heights. Got a card in the roofers' union summers while in college because I needed the money and had a connection. Up there doing what I had to do to make money on 25+ story buildings. You know what? I got over the fear for the time being but now I am again scared shitless of heights. You can convince yourself of anything if you think it's going to pay off. Roofing actually paid off for me, I doubt law school will for anyone at Indiana Tech.

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    4. If it looks dangerous? It is.

      The ones that retire injury free are the lucky ones, and as for rock climbing I recall a story about a rock climber that fell on his head and got dragged around by wild animals until his dead body was finally able to be retrieved from a very hard to get to spot.

      No rock climbing magazines put that story on the cover.

      Of course when it comes to work, OSHA tries to ensure safety and with good or at least better results today I think.

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  3. Brilliant takedown OTLSS.
    I needed a belly-laugh this morning. I especially loved the "preposterous" article. It's really sad they have to go to West Aftrica to find Lemmings. (I suppose if there's a West African version of OTLSS they might call Lemmings "Bush meat.")

    On a more serious note, these toilets seem to thrive on taking well-intentioned and ambitious immigrants and throwing them into debt. There's no doubt that recent immigrants often have a fierce desire to succeed and very strong family networks. The problem is you can't fight a market where there's a 100% surplus of new JDs and the remaining jobs don't have a positive return on investment, and the market is stuffed with experienced T6 people. Even doing all the legal work for your extended clan won't pay off Sally Mae.

    I think a better approach is for Indiana Tech to create a new LLM program and stock it with freshly caught "enrollees" from the rivers around Indianapolis. They could petition the Supreme Court to declare fish legally sentient human beings. Each fish would be elligible for $30,000 worth of loans a year and when they graduate, they will be released back to the wild, ready to offer valuable counsel to their piscatorial pals. Potential courses include "Surf and Turf redux: The intersection of riparian Bovine rights and our right to lay eggs" or "Ripped Mouths: the struggle for barbless hooks in the context of the 1970's evnironmentat movement."

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    1. The funny thing is Indianapolis was founded where it is because the founders thought the White River was navigable up to that point, but it wasn't. Minneapolis/St. Paul are the head of navigation on the Mississippi, Montreal on the St. Lawrence, Hartford on the Connecticut, etc. A major, expensive undertaking on the basis of a screwed up premise. Powerful metaphor for those attending Indiana Tech.

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    2. Can a foreigner from Ghana come over here and borrow money from the government? I'd be very surprised if they could. And can't imagine a private lender lending under those conditions. I expect these guys have rich parents and are paying cash. They get to go to law school in the US and probably have lots of bragging rights back home?

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    3. Cash is playing a huge role there. The clown can't even speak English and they let him in.

      What next? A blind law student? A law student with traumatic brain injury and who can't read or write?

      And the school would spin that into stories of courage and how accessible the school is.

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    4. Actually if law schools were to create fake students, even if done fraudulently, this would be far better than the current system. The primary purpose of most law schools is to funnel federal loan money into the schools. Why not just cut out the middleman? - i.e. the student who otherwise be saddled with crippling debt.

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    5. We'll, at my toilet they occasionally let in people who had no chance of practicing law. When I was there we had the poor handicapped guy in his late 50's. He probably had a very, very small chance of ever practicing law but there he was, limping around on his games knee, telling people stories about his glory days in the 1970s.

      I suspect it's worse now. I bet the Toilets are letting in people in their 60s and 70s now. It's the natural progression of the scam. I would love to hear some stories from those presently in law school or those who have recently graduated.

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  4. Hybrid law school program to address declining enrollment:

    http://www.kare11.com/story/news/education/2013/12/18/law-school-enrollment-legal-education/4109667/

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    1. If the ABA is sanctioning this online JD program, why not just have students review old Barbri courses in lieu of the first year curriculum? Wouldn't this save money and cut useless faculty? Why not accredit Concord Law School which is also online? I went to law school 20 years ago and wish I had the option to "attend" classes online. I would have saved countless hours listening to windbag mouthbreathing professors regurgitate the same bullshit year after year after fucking year.

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    2. An odd story and especially about the pajamas and weak in the argument about how the program facilitates developing skills for social and business interaction in a new internet age.

      But the gist of the story seemed to be that the school felt enrollment is down due to the inconvenience of having to either travel or devote the time to being physically present for classes, and not because of the general idea that law school is a risky gamble and financially life destroying decision for some or many.

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  5. Are you guys going to discuss the WSJ article about falling law school enrollments?

    U.S. Law School Enrollments Fall
    Lack of Jobs Has Students Steering Away From Legal Career

    First-year enrollment at U.S. law schools plunged this year to levels not seen since the 1970s as students steered away from a career that has left many recent graduates loaded with debt and struggling to find work.

    The American Bar Association said on Tuesday that the number of first-year law students fell 11% this year across the 202 U.S. law schools that the group accredits. The total—39,675 full and part-time first year students—was one shy of 1977's total, when the nation had far fewer ABA-approved schools.

    http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052702304858104579264730376317914

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    1. Of course. Give it due time.

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  6. This news letter shows the lack of achievement at this toilet school.

    The class size for next year should be 10 students. This law school was planning on 100 this year and it got a third of that. It must be desperate for money because I bet the university is floating this school right now. Another year of pathetic enrolment and the numbers will not work.

    Please Indiana Tech, stop wasting money on this white elephant. Use the nice building to give your other departments a much needed new facility and dump this nationally-embarrassing turd JD program. How you let yourselves get scammed by Peter Alexander I will never know.

    I bet that you would save so much money if you shutter this place at the end of the first year and make some kind of arrangement with another law school to take your students for the final two years. Those law schools will be desperate for applicants too and would gladly transfer your students in as 2Ls.

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    1. Moral thing to do: Find students places at Valpo, Toledo, IU-Indianapolis, Capital, Cooley, etc., and pay each a sum for the inconvenience of this trainwreck.

      Thing that will actually happen: School's closed, good luck.

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    2. Great idea. You're both looking at great futures as creative problem-solvers.

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  7. And this is a must see and a rare gem to spend some time with:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nx93YLbBj4

    All it takes is some creative googling.

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  8. These poor bastards....

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  9. The thing about Indiana Tech is that - unlike almost all other law schools - a LOT of people were telling them this venture was a terribly bad idea that had no point or purpose except to make a bunch of low-caliber applicants indebted and play out a farce for all to see.

    Either the people who started this school are fucking retarded or they're malicious scammers trying their hand at exploitation and failing miserably. There is no other option, and one has to wonder which one they use to view themselves.

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  10. I'm kind of snickering at the 5-year insurance defense associate being a mentor.

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    1. Yeah me too.

      All he does all day is lowball settlement offers to desperate injury victims who are being hounded by medical bill collections companies. But to a grad of Indiana Tech, that's the equivalent of getting appointed to the Supreme Court in terms of success.

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  11. You pulled your punches for Anna Johnson, OTLSS. You shoulda just come out and called her the fattest, ugliest thing you've ever seen. She should be ashamed to go out of the house looking like that.

    I would not trust that mentally retarded bigmouth busybody with the keys to the janitor's storeroom, let alone the private info of every student at the school.

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  12. The Angry AccountantDecember 22, 2013 at 9:36 PM

    The Indiana Tech newsletter is a REAL hoot! The Adam Greasey Hair Mna Lamprejdh whatever, his name is looks like a classic, sleazy ambulance chaser! Anna Johnson, the Law School Registrar, well her picture you got to see it to believe it! I guess I would be smiling too, if I landed the gig as "law school registrar" which really is a bone-head job anyone can do. Most of the students, sadly are immigrants, who get suckered into thinking that "well this is America" and anything I do will lead to success.

    ACN and other pyramid schemes do the same kind of stuff, target immigrants. Indiana Tech is like a pyramid scheme...

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  13. Imagining The Open ToadDecember 24, 2013 at 11:03 AM

    "I’m assuming he’s not working for free either, so it'll be interesting to see how much money the school is throwing at these mentors in order for them to sully their resumes with the name of this law school."

    My state bar and LS push the student/new attorney mentorship thing pretty hard, but there's no pay involved and it's viewed as similar to pro-bono obligations.

    Then again, I wouldn't do it (for free or for pay) if I had to be associated with the likes of IT LS.

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    1. Love your name, Open Toad.

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