Monday, May 27, 2013

"Just Do It" Must Have Already Been Taken


Commencement Speaker: Allen Fore

Law School: Valparaiso University Law School

Claim to Fame: Director of Public Affairs for Kinder Morgan Energy Partners LP

Notes: Fore quotes from his personal hero, Ronald Reagan. Isn't Reagan where this whole "public divestment of public education" started? The "why should I pay for your degree" thing?

*****


Commencement Speaker: David Drummond

Law School: Santa Clara University School of Law

Claim to Fame: Senior VP and Chief Legal Officer of Google

Notes: Drummond quoted his personal hero, Nelson Mandela, in his speech. Drummond went on to say of Google: "Because it's a big company doesn't mean I can't fight to make sure that this big company sticks to its principles, that its continual march toward openness and progress and fairness mirrors the marches I participated in 30 years ago on this campus." Note Drummond attended Santa Clara undergrad; his law degree is from Stanford.



*****


Commencement Speaker: Sonia Sotomayor

Law School: Yale Law School

Claim to Fame: First Hispanic U.S. Supreme Court Justice

Notes: The gist of Sotomayor's remarks were to follow their values and passions and not to worry about their resumes.

*****



Commencement Speaker: William "Mo" Cowan

Law School: Boston College Law School

Claim to Fame: Interim U.S. Senator about to "return to the private sector"

Notes: Cowan told the grads: "Find the proper balance between your net worth and your self-worth." He then went on to provide this gem: "Your true career path will be as clear as a bell, and you will know how best to utilize that versatile tool of remarkably infinite utility."

17 comments:

  1. I had dinner on Saturday night with a former law school classmate who now works for a well-known legal staffing company in NYC. We talked about how when we graduated (mid '90s) the legal market was terrible but how it is much worse today. To give me an idea, she told me that she is now getting applications from T14 grads and Biglaw busts for doc review jobs. Many seem to come from Georgetown for some reason. I have to say, she is extremely luck in that she doesn't have to practice law (she hated it) and makes six figures without the stress of having a mouthbreather berate her for not billing enough hours on the weekend.

    As for these commencement speeches, if you heard one, you have heard them all. The first day of law school, I still recall how the dean kept saying how we were lucky to be joining a very noble and prestigious profession. Law professors would often joke about how we would be thanking them later in life while we lounged around in our in-ground swimming pool located next to the tennis court of our mansions. It all seems like a sick joke now.

    Every lawyer I speak to agrees that law school is a lost economic proposition, yet kids continue to apply in droves. At some point you cannot continue to have sympathy for people who undertake stupid decisions. At this point, the only way I would recommend law school is if you have terminal cancer, have less than 3 years to live and just blow the student loan money on exotic trips while living in a nice plush penthouse. Besides that scenario, law school seems like a financial death sentence or at a minimum, a spiritual life sentence at a putrid gulag.

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    1. ^ Oh, I don't know about all that. If Elizabeth "Fauxcahontas" Warren succeeds in lowering student loan interest rates to 0.5%, I'll probably enroll in law school myself - and use the money to buy a nice house instead.

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    2. Correct me if I'm wrong but doesn't the SL funds go DIRECTLY to the LS? (thus u cant use to for your indirect purposes)

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    3. ^ You can always get a full refund before classes start. And with students using this money to buy new cars and posh apartments, I think the Feds would have a hard time convicting me of any "crime."

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    4. 6:25 wins the award for being purposefully dumb about student loan fraud.

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    5. OP's story is actually pretty terrible. It shows what we've long feared / hoped-for: that the law career nightmare stories are happening to law grads from schools further and further up the rankings.

      Sporadic reports of T14 grads in tough times are not unusual anymore. How long till we hear about middling T14 alums in trouble? Or even, HYS grads?

      Is no law school safe anymore?

      --Jim

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    6. But the degree is so versatile. I mean really versatile. Super-dee-duper versatile, in fact.

      Just hang your shingle ... or become owner of a major league ball team. Or apply for President.

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  2. On a more somber note, the CDC conducted a study which shows that middle age people are committing suicide with more frequency as a result of unemployment:

    http://vitals.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/05/02/18020758-suicide-rates-go-up-for-middle-aged-cdc-finds?lite

    I predict suicide rates among college grads will increase with the student debt crisis and the high unemployment rates (in the 18-25 age group).

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    1. scary shit.

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    2. Let's pay them not to do it. $10 million each. Do I hear fifteen?

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  3. ...or we could just build an economy that promotes work and positive psychological states.

    Nah, we'd rather just engage in corporate welfare and let millionaires skim off the system and complain about poor people.

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    1. ^ The problem with archleftists like you is that you simultaneously claim that leaving a rich guy alone is "corporate welfare for millionaires," while leaving a poor guy alone is state-sponsored starvation.

      If parasites like you would just stop "skimming off the system," the economy would build ITSELF.

      Something tells me that "work" is the last thing you're interested in promoting.

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  4. Commencement speeches are a lot of hot air. Bono spoke at my undergrad commencement about how saving Africa was the test of my generation's moral compass. Aside from the pie-in-the-sky substance of his speech, it was good entertainment. A fitting end for a $120,000 process of dubious value, notwithstanding my daylong depression at having to enter the real world.

    Hopefully I'll never go to an American law school and need to hear one of these vapid speeches again!

    --Jim

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    1. Bono. I would feel like my college was insulting me with that pick. And I would have refused to go to the graduation.

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    2. Perhaps it was Mr. Pro Bono who was your graduation speaker, and he was telling you to fly to Africa at your own expense, and provide free civil representation to indigents along the Congolese border. Maybe even do some pro bono divorce work.

      "Oh, the Places You'll Go."

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  5. had the government stayed out of the loan program, we would have a lot fewer people complaining about high student loan debt. schools would not be able to keep raising their rates.

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  6. Here's the only Commencement Address that should be given:

    "Graduates of the class of 2013, as you sit out there in the audience today, please spread your legs fairly wide apart, and place your head firmly between them. Scoot up on the chair a little bit, and now push your head down further, as far down and back as it can go. Now kiss your ass goodbye. You're so screwed. And please don't use that Swiss-Army-Knife-of-a-degree to slit your wrists. At least not until after you get home."

    "Parents, significant others, family and friends of the graduates... how does it feel to love an impoverished loser?"

    "We've done our part. Now take this sheepskin, frame it, and start making alumni contributions soon."

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