when you wish upon a star when you wish upon a scam
Consider the following heartwarming, if imaginary, law school success stories, inspired by America’s renowned corporate provider of saccharine-flavored folklore and wholesome uplift, Disney Inc.
The Beast—A royal shmuck laden with the heavy curse of a hideous LSAT score is redeemed by the loving embrace of a law school willing to look beyond superficial credentials and see the handsome legal prince within.
Lampwick (Pinnochio)— A career dead-ender is recruited to prestigious Pleasure Island School of Law, where he undergoes a transformative educational experience, leading to secure life-long employment.
Aladdin —A young vagrant achieves astonishing upward mobility after stumbling upon an enlightening professional degree program, which holds within it a wondrous spirit of immense power and versatility.
It is well-established, in spite of ill-informed propaganda from the New York Times, that a law degree is a better outcome-enhancer than even the most profligate fairy godmother. True, that which children, in their wide-eyed naïvete, call "magic" is known to those of us of more sophisticated years as "perfectly sound, albeit industry-funded, econometric studies." But the point is that third and fourth tier pumpkins really do turn into million-dollar carriages.
That is why both I and the Law School Admissions Council agree that it was so "fitting" to hold the annual Law School Admissions Council (LSAC) conference for law school admissions professionals at Disney World. It is Disney that taught us that young and seemingly unpromising elephants can learn to fly-- provided, of course, they receive training and development assistance from a kind and supportive rodent coach. Similarly, we can anticipate that many apparent dumbos will soar to incredible professional heights in law or elsewhere, so long as they are recruited to a lower-tier circus by a caring admissions rodent, I mean professional.
The semi-annual LSAC newsletter has the enchanting details about the then-upcoming conference. I note that LSAC, with the modesty of a comatose princess, restricts its self-praise for making law students' "dreams come true" to a mere three mentions in the first paragraph, not counting the heading.
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We make law school applicants’ dreams come true, so it is fitting for us to hold our annual gathering at the official headquarters for making dreams come true—Disney World. LSAC’s 2016 Annual Meeting and Educational Conference will be held June 1–4 at Disney’s Yacht & Beach Club Resorts, located in Lake Buena Vista, Florida. The theme—“Making Dreams Come True: Inspiring the Next Generation of Law Students”—derives from the magical venue for this year’s meeting. The Planning Work Group, with Michael Donnelly-Boylen as its chair, created a compelling schedule that includes options for the many and varied interests of LSAC members—from nuts-and-bolts mini-sessions to a special LLM track to meaty panels about the changing recruitment landscape.
Of course, there will be plenary speakers who will inspire us to dream big: Elizabeth Slavitt, vice president of learner strategy and operations at Khan Academy; Dennis Snow, an expert in customer service, employee development, and leadership training (who honed his skills over 20 years with the Walt Disney Company); and Vernā Myers, founder and president of the Verna Myers Company, which helps organizations in the for-profit, nonprofit, academic, and government arenas create and sustain inclusive environments where traditionally underrepresented groups can thrive.
In addition to the many networking opportunities built into the program, there will be an orientation for first-time attendees, a mentoring program, and the popular Learning Lounge staffed by team members from Law School Support Services.
The Diversity Matters Award celebrates a law school that has demonstrated the highest level of outreach to racially and ethnically diverse students. The Award Ceremony will be a highlight of the Welcome Dinner on Wednesday.
No annual meeting is ALL business and learning—there will be plenty of time to enjoy the comfort and luxury offered by Disney’s Beach Club Resort, with its pools, lagoons, and spas; water activities; and Epcot® Center close by. Disney’s Hollywood Studios® are just a short boat ride away. There is no place like Walt Disney World® Resort, and there is no meeting like LSAC’s Annual Meeting and Educational Conference!
Yeah, graduating TTTT grads with $183,548.43 in NON-DISCHARGEABLE debt - for garbage job prospects - is the very definition of "dream," right?!?!
ReplyDeleteI was going to post this on TTR but this may be a more appropriate venue. Look, guys.. I can't express my: "SURPRISE!!" Aghast-style moment enough to you when I did an experiment a few days ago punching up 3 bios of Associates at a local top-of-the-market firm in my area.
DeleteI kid you not as to how this went down. I simply clicked on 3 random names of this 75-attorney firm, more than 2/3rds of which are Partners. It, too, has the inverted pyramid structure all too-common to firms at this point.
And here is what I found:
1) Summa undergrad (BS lib. arts major but you know..) Summa law school.
2) A refugee from a V5 firm - NO JOKE - who was an Associate and has experience working in overseas offices.
3) An Associate who has degrees from a T5 law school and its associated business school for the Masters degree portion.
THIS IS WHAT THE FUCK these firms can get now since the law is so goddamn up-OR-Out and oversaturated.
I've been watching this local firm over the years and the caliber of degrees of the Associates has steadily risen (Education Arms Race) as well as the geographic scope of schools they hire from.
They no longer hire Associates from our local TTT but as you look back at the Partner's bios - from 20-30-40+ years ago - you can *easily* see that they had nowhere near the credentials of the Associates and most were hired from local or at least in-State law schools.
Okay people??
Do you get it now?
These are the same Boomer assholes who tell people how easy we have it and how lazy we are, etc. Put them and their more than average credentials in the hiring pool today and guess what?
Boom! They're out there with a cup in their hand begging and $300,000 in non-dischrageable student loan debt.
The taste of Ass isn't so great when you're the one doing the licking.. Feels good on the other side but not so much that way, huh baby??
Yet, THEY are the ones doing the hiring.
I clicked on those bios in no predetermined order or with any plan and that's what came up for a measly 75-attorney firm in a smallish market, over 2/3rds are Partners, etc.
This firm is no longer what I would call a "local" top of the market firm and due to the bios of the Associates which I've seen over the years and the hiring changes, it has no loyalty at all to the local, let alone in-state schools.
It is local in name only, scoring for the best credentials it can find - and it's a Buyer's Market out there.
I've watched it change and grow tighter and tighter regarding hiring over a relatively short span of years.
This nonsense about working your way up EVEN to a firm like that - AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN. you either have the creds or you don't. Period.
Lastly, remember, there will be "clones" of these Associates produced EACH YEAR and thrown out into the market. Yes, of course, not the exact copies, but quite similar in terms of credentials. EACH and EVERY YEAR.
What happens to the other 95% of the class?
You can sell all the "dreams" you want but the competition out there is beyond INSANE. And the debt is now at mid-six figure levels.
What I have conveyed to you is the stark reality.
LSAC, law schools.. These people need the guillotine. They KNOW 95% are screwed but the money's there and they don't care. Law school sets up people to FAIL, not succeed.
You can't avoid the inherent ranking of both the school and the students and you are always and forever doomed by it. BEYOND that, you can eff up at any time during your working career - assuming you can ever get one started - and be Out.
The last person in their class at medical or dental school is a doctor with as much earnings potential as the #1 guy..
NOT so with law - by a long shot!!
Can you blame that firm for hiring those people instead of the output of your local toilet school? Why should that firm show loyalty to a shitty local school that plumbs the depths of the 140s, if not the 130s, to fill its classes?
DeleteI would hesitate even to consider a recent graduate of a toilet school.
Yes, I've noticed this too. Local firms (that once couldn't get any applicants from any place other than a TTTT) are now starting to hire graduates from top 50 schools, or the very elite from lower schools. Part of the reason you're seeing this is because many law firms have shut down, or they've started to staff paralegals instead of associates. Thus, the universe of law jobs is smaller.
DeleteIn short, local suburban firms mostly get paid via insurance companies, and they'd work on the billable hours model. They'd hire an army of young associates and have them do trivial, brainless tasks just to create a billable event, and then to charge the insurance company at an attorney's rate (rather than the paralegal's or the secretary's rate).
Now, the insurance companies have caught on to the scam, and they're demanding more a flat fee and/or they want paralegals doing the brainless stuff that associates once did. Thus, there is less of a need to hire actual lawyers, so only the best are able to get jobs.
Regardless, just because the associates have top credentials does NOT mean they'll still be employed in 5 years. Firms presume they'll shove you out the door after a few years, thus making room for less expensive associates to take your place.
"The last person in their class at medical or dental school is a doctor with as much earnings potential as the #1 guy.."
No, that is NOT true. There is a tremendous salary difference between a heart surgeon and a neighborhood pediatrician, especially given the changes in heath care.
Anecdotally, my good friend is a pediatrician. He makes a bit more than I do, but the hours he works are crazy (and he's on call every other weekend). In short, he could have had the same salary without going to medical school. Now, compare that to the $2 Million per year his medical school classmate makes who is an invasive cardiologist, who implants stents and other cardio gadgets into patients.
However, what you get in medicine, dentistry and some other fields is an actual profession. There is an actual investment by the profession in the training of younger physicians, and once you're in there is an actual job waiting for you. We don't see that in law.
In law, we are mere commodities and revenue generators for the firm. Only a handful of attorneys ever get to practice "real" law and actually feel and act like they're part of a profession. The rest of us are just in debt.
I hope they all meet the same fate as that kid who was killed by an alligator a couple weeks ago. Only, I felt awful for the kid and his family.
ReplyDeleteHah, good point about the alligator thing. It's like the old joke: "Why won't sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy." Hopefully, any 'gators down there won't be as picky or choosy.
DeleteI hate to say it but business will go on as long as there is a steady supply of Lemmings. Maybe there will be a little belt tightening, but that's it.
ReplyDeleteJust this morning I had a conversation with a young lady who is determined to go to law school. She is only Toilet material. I did my best, armed with all the damming facts, but she is impervious to logic and reason. You can't stop people from screwing themselves up.
Oh well, too bad about that young lady. Still, keep trying to get through with her. (And if she truly does go through the stupid law school experience from start to finish, then I can only wonder where she ends up...)
DeleteI guess the law school pigs couldn't wait another month or two for that annual SEALS thing which the OTLSS crew profiles every summer.
ReplyDeleteBut here's a scary thought: What if they're trying to get to unsuspecting children and fill their heads with garbage about going to law school?
WALL-E: A big-hearted, well-intentioned law student is left behind to deal with the garbage, after the damage is already done and the Law School Cartel bails on a luxury cruise liner to wait-out the storm.
ReplyDeleteYes, it should be held at Disney World—specifically, at Fantasyland.
ReplyDelete—— We make law school applicants' dreams come true
ReplyDeleteThis is trivially true, since the unstated ending of the sentence is "by admitting them to our toilet schools". But what about the dreams of students and graduates?
—— the official headquarters for making dreams come true—Disney World.
What makes it "official"? Disney World is just another tacky-ass corporation that panders to tastes for low-grade entertainment. Far from making dreams come true, it merely purveys childish fantasies for the enrichment of its executives and shareholders.
—— The Diversity Matters Award celebrates a law school that has demonstrated the highest level of outreach to racially and ethnically diverse students.
In other words, a law skule that, under the faux-progressive signboards of diversity and opportunity, has most profitably preyed upon racialized people whom just a few years ago even Cooley would have rejected.
I like Disney World. I don't like LSAC.
DeleteThe Little Mermaid: The naïve mermaid realizes she has been tricked by the evil sea witch into sacrificing her youth and financial freedom for the false promise of a secure, middle-class lifestyle on dry land.
ReplyDeleteThe Lyin' King: The Dean of Pride Rock Law School sings to the masses below about 99% employment rates, six-figure salaries, and glorious careers in transnational animal rights law. Those who listen to him become part of the Circle of Life-Ruining Debt.
ReplyDeleteCall for papers: The law and Constitutional history of Arendelle.
Delete"The Diversity Matters Award celebrates a law school that has demonstrated the highest level of outreach to racially and ethnically diverse students. The Award Ceremony will be a highlight of the Welcome Dinner on Wednesday." This is something that especially pisses me off. They're not content to just screw middle-class white kids anymore; they're branching out and screwing minorities, too. Where's BLM when you need them?!
ReplyDeleteBut seriously, if there's any reason to hold this thing at Disney World, it's to demonstrate that they're selling a f***ing fantasy to soft-brained children.
BDM= Black Debt Matters.
DeleteBlack people have been so systemically screwed in this country from vicious redlined housing markets to the war on drugs and mandatory sentencing laws. Aside from the war on drugs ensuring that a large proportion of the black population is constantly in prison and thereby destabilizing families, neighborhoods and in some cases whole cities, wilful redlining did not allow black americans to accumulate the capital to pass to subsequent generations. Capital accumulation is a requirement to fully participate in our society and most middle class whites will receive some form of generational capital redistribution largely due to home ownership in the "right" neighborhoods. Now comes the law school cartel, whispering sweet dreams of a middle class lifestyle to lower class minorities who likely as not, do not have educated or sophisticated adult who can counsel them about the realities of student loan debt, the job market or legal practice. As I see it, redlining robbed one generation of black americans of the ability to accumulate capital while student debt will rob the next. Shame on the LSAC.
Yes, that's right. But you won't hear the limousine liberal law profe$$ors talking about that. Got to keep the gravy train rolling.
DeleteStill, I have to think there's a good story here. I don't think anyone has systematically explored the impact Going to a Toilet has had on minorities.
I'm @4:02
DeleteAs I've often written, if the LSAC and law schools were serious about the issue of visible minorities in the legal profession, they would break down the employment statistics by race. Then a visible minority could accurately assess their career opportunities from attending X law school and incurring X amount of non-dischargeable debt. But guess what? Neither the LSAC nor the individual law schools want visible minorities to have that specific information. Keeping their gravy train rolling outweighs any ethical considerations.
Indiana Tech Jones: By day, a law professor teaches sports entertainment magic dolphin law. But in his (substantial) free-time, he chases down international war criminals, tries cases at The Hague, parties with George and Amal, and searches for hidden treasure in the Fort Wayne area.
ReplyDeleteAnyone remember the Indiana Jones stage show at Disney World? That was one of my favorites! I'm not sure if it's still there...
They tore it out for the new Star Wars Land at Hollywood Studiod
DeleteThey have never practiced law. Practicing law is not a "dream." It is hard work for not much pay. It is exhausting and draining if you care and do right by the client. In many cases it is low paying and not a sustainable middle class income. Driving a ten year old Camry or Le Sabre to court is not a dream. Law Office space in a decrepit 50s faux Colonial style suburban "professional" building with large weedy plants and torn, dirty walls is not a dream. Professors don't get it.
ReplyDeleteYes, that's so true. Can the next step in improving law schools be to get more PRACTICE READY PROFESSORS? Everyone knows how important this is
ReplyDeletehttp://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/the_breakfast_table/features/2016/supreme_court_breakfast_table_for_june_2016/law_school_professors_need_more_practical_experience.html
Legal academia certainly are some of the most UNDER-qualified professors at the university. At best, they have an LLM. Rarely do they get a PhD, or some other advanced terminal degree.
DeleteYou guys ever look at the resumes of your law school professors? All they did was graduate from a T14 school, make law review and then get an LLM -- that's it!!! Somehow, this PATHETIC pedigree is all one needs to teach at the nation's top law schools.
Aside from that, they are also worthless. What research do they actually do? Scientists and engineers, for example, actually spend time in a lab or out in the field collecting samples and analyzing data. Economists and/or business school professors analyze business models and/or aspects of the economy.
What do law professors do? Write articles about how things SHOULD be? Pontificate about topics nobody in society cares about, thus compelling their students to buy useless books they wire (to line their pockets)? Yup, that's what they do.
What makes you think they have LLMs? Most don't.
DeleteThe average amount of time professors have spent actually being lawyers looks like two years, which is so crazy. And it also seems like only a few have LLMs even if that degree mattered.
DeleteCheck this out!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.clevescene.com/scene-and-heard/archives/2016/07/07/disgraced-former-case-western-law-school-dean-writes-about-changing-his-name-without-mentioning-all-the-reasons-hed-disgraced-his-former-name
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m-2d8RFHUqI
ReplyDeletehttp://www.ducklogiccomedy.com/its-the-real-world-after-all---lyrics.html
"It's the Real World (After All)"
By Duck Logic
It's a world of acne, a world of germs
It's your brand new dog coming down with worms
It's the notes being played by a cockroach parade
It's the real world after all
It's a world of ulcers, a world of cysts
It's the hole in the road that you never miss
It's the cheap underwear creeping up to your hair
It's the real world after all
It's the real world after all, it's the real world after all, it's the real world after all, it's the real world after all
It's a world of hunger, a world of sin
It's a million products to keep you thin
It's machinery exhaust Causing air to be lost
It's the real world after all
It's a world of stark mediocrity
It's a world of mindless activity
It's the little white lie inside mom's apple pie
It's the real world after all
It's the real world after all, cold hard steel world after all, slimy eel world after all, well, it's the real world after all.
It's a world that's black and a world that's blue
And you must duck logic to get you through
It's the sudden attack of a knife in your back
It's the real world after all
It's the real world after all, spinning wheel world after all, cold hard steel world after all, well, it's the real world after all.
*STANDING OVATION* Bravo!
Delete