Tuesday, June 3, 2014

The Battle of Law ScamDeans



L4L / Skadden Farts leads the charge against the ScamDeans, before being cut down by the initial fusillade, circa 2010.



(with apologies to Johnny Horton, "The Battle of New Orleans")

Well, The Calico Cat tried to tell us all the truth,
And the lemmings said that JDJive was totally uncouth,
Scotty Bullock preached anon about Big Debt and Small Law,
And Nando posted pictures of the TTTiolets on his wall.

            And the Scamblogs blogged 'cause they felt it was a calling,
            There weren't as many lemmings as there was awhile ago,
            The Scamblogs jeered as the Cartel found it galling,
            From the T13 to the Law Schools down below.
 

Well, the Valvoline Dean raised tuition with a smirk,
And Joan King told sad grads to go "network,"
Leiter said that law school was cool but yet he lied,
While Tamanaha and Campos were thoroughly decried.

            Chorus

But then they fired a bunch of Profs to try to keep expenses down,
Then they hired a lot of adjuncts 'cause they thought that would be sound,
They filled the class with 1Ls from where ever they could find,
But applications still declined and the ScamDeans lost their minds.

            Chorus

Then Simkovic was talkin' 'bout a "million-buck-degree,"
Ben Barros was convinced that JD jobs would come, just see!
Chemerinsky squeezed UC for every dollar he could goose,
And Illig was relieved his salary was not reduced.

            Chorus

Dean Alexander fled Indy Tech through the alley door,
And Infilaw was sad to see their profits didn't soar,
The rats began to jump from every sinking yacht,
And the scambloggers cheered "Now, who is getting mocked?"

            Chorus

 

The battle continues! Fight the good fight, stay strong, and run the race with endurance! The truth is on our side.

 

26 comments:

  1. When the academic rats leave these sinking ships, we can only hope that they land in a river of kerosene.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You wouldn't happen to have a light, would you?

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    2. this blog is dead, isn't it?

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    3. This blog isn't dead until every last scamdean has been dismissed and forced to work long hours to repay the money he took from students who didn't have enough intelligence or information to make a sound decision to attend law school.

      Hope that helps.

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    4. Not really. I meant "dead" in the sense of not much critical information anymore, silly posts, same old commenters again and again.

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    5. 8:50/3:28 - you are, of course, perfectly welcome to pen something and send it in for publication if the standards here aren't to your liking. Or just take the complaints elsewhere...

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    6. Lemme tellya, 850/238. I'm a regular commenter here, but not one of the blog writers. You may have a point, but the "same old commenters" criticism would apply to any blog anywhere. Some people just take a liking to a given community, and then they want to participate. How about trying yourself to make comments that you find interesting? Do unto others...

      I've got to say that some of the regular writers here continue to do excellent work. For example, Charles Cooper really outdid himself in the most recent Indiana Tech post. And it earned quite a few interesting comments. Good posts lead to good comments.

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  2. Clever. Being from his home state, I believe "Old Hickory" would do to the scam deans what he did to the The bank of the United States.

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    Replies
    1. Interesting. Much of the rhetoric about privilege and inequality from the Jacksonian period is perfectly suited to the present law school crisis.

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    2. My thoughts too. (We shall ignore what he did to the Cherokee nation.)

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  3. Law schools have disgraced the profession. Will it ever recover?

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    Replies
    1. The "profession" itself is a fucking disgrace.

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    2. Only if someone shuts down half the law schools, starting with Cooley, TJ, Laverne, ad Indy Tech. I just hope that Adam Lamparello and Kaimipono Wenger can find paralegal jobs after that.

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    3. Paralegal jobs? Why, certainly they're headed, along with Illig, for million-dollar partnerships!

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  4. I love this song, and this is a great parody.

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  5. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9vST6hVRj2A

    "The Wreck of the Thomas M. Cooley" (with apologies to Gordon Lightfoot)

    The legend lives on from the lawyers all 'round
    Of the big school they call Thomas M. Cooley
    The school, it is said, gives her grads up for dead
    And its library, they say, is quite roomy

    With a load of student loans, several thousand accounts more
    That the Thomas M. Cooley would soon empty.
    That big scam, it's true, was a turd through and through
    And the fails of its grads come often and early.

    That school was a crime on the American side
    A crummy diploma mill in Mid-Michigan
    As the big toilets go, it was bigger than most
    With a CSO and a dean both well seasoned.

    Concluding some terms with a couple of law firms
    That they sent fully locked and loaded for Kurzon
    And later that month when the dean's phone bell rang
    Could it be that court word they'd been fearin'?

    When Graduation Day came, the old crook (the dean) came on stage sayin'.
    "Fellas, it's tough, but we no longer need ya."
    Nine months later, as employment surveys came in, he said
    "Fellas, your money was good, but now I don't know ya."

    The Dean e-mailed in, he had discovery requests comin' in
    And his TTTT school and job was in peril.
    And later that fight, when the real stats were brought to light
    Came the wreck of the Thomas M. Cooley.

    Does any one know, where the love of God goes
    When your JD gets you just ten dollars an hour?
    The alumni all say they should have dropped out their first day
    Instead they've got nothing but debt and wasted years behind them.

    The alums' marriages split up or they might have suicided;
    Many became broke and went under.
    And all that remains is shame and blame in the faces
    Of the wives and the kids over their blunder

    Ann Arbor expands its rolls, Grand Rapids bursts at the seams
    The dean adds rooms onto his nice Tudor mansion.
    Lansing, Michigan schemes off young naifs' dreams;
    Soon Tampa Bay will be open for morons.

    As everyone knows Cooley's farther below even Touro
    She'll take in any lemming that can find her,
    And the graduates will all go, as the dean and staff know
    With tons of non-dischargeable debt well-encumbered.

    In a musty old hall in Detroit they prayed,
    In the Toileteer Lawyers' Cathedral.
    The church bell chimed till it rang twenty-nine thousand times
    For each grad from the Thomas M. Cooley.

    The legend lives on from the lawyers all 'round
    Of the big school they call Thomas M. Cooley
    Ol' Cooley, it is said, gives her grads up for dead
    And the fails of its grads come often and early.

    ReplyDelete
  6. The Hour of Vengeance is at hand...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Rather than "vengeance," I prefer the words "retribution" (which implies justified punishment by legal authorities) or "restitution" (which implies undoing the wrongs that were done.)

      I have my doubts about any restitution ever taking place. Almost all the proceeds of the scam have already been spent on conspicuous and even reckless consumption. And while their fakery and pretensions are at the heart of the scam, the scamdeans and scamprofs receive only a fraction of the debt incurred by students. Their houses and investments wouldn't come close to repaying the money skimmed from the federal budget.

      Ultimately, I think that we should look forward to an hour of reckoning, a moment of truth when most prospective students will simply laugh at the idea of going to an inferior law school, which most of them are. That's what we're best equipped to bring about anyway, and the First Amendment is all the legal muscle we need.

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  7. For those concerned about the purported lack of new material on this blog, let me point out that we haven't seen any of Maurice Leiter's exquisite poetry for quite some time. That's a hole that needs to be filled, so to speak.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Commando

    By Maurice Leiter


    I too fight.
    Fight the scamblog
    With my hotdog.
    No underwear, like a commando.
    Leiter - the fighter!
    Hotdog hardens at thoughts
    of my sweet retorts.
    Weapon in hand before my screen. Pump, pump,
    pump, racking rounds like a shotgun.
    Loaded with my load,
    twin oval mags hang heavy with white lead
    under rockhard barrel with swollen purple head.
    Take that, Campos! Take that, dybbuk!
    I empty my mags in their direction
    from my shuddering erection.
    But no one’s listening
    to my screen’s milky glistening.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Once again I feel ashamed to have enjoyed your work so much Maurice.

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    2. It's a guilty and decadent pleasure, much like a triple-fudge chocolate cake.

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