Friday, June 2, 2017

Requiem for a Hoosier toilet: Indiana Tech Law School RIP

Indiana Tech, which I have styled the glorious Harvard on the Wabash, has made good on last October's promise to shut up shop in June:

The Web site is gone; links to it are redirected to the university's home page, presumably for the benefit of those whose erstwhile interest in a JD might become transmogrified into a thirst for a BS in Fashion Marketing & Management or a PhD in Global Leadership. Not one word is said about the plight of the jilted first- and second-year students, who have seen their barristerial fantasies dashed to bits against the porcelain of a toilet given its final flush.

Fortunately, however, Marilyn Odendahl took the initiative for the above-cited article to check such regional juridical behemoths as Toledo, Indiana University (both outlets of the franchise), Notre Dame (Indiana's fourth-tier trap school), Valpo, and of course Cooley. It turns out that all of these illustrious institutions are magnanimously collecting the jetsam of Indiana Tech, although at least one of the Global Leaders, unusually for a transfer student, will have to start the three-year program from scratch. I only wish that Ms. Odendahl had reported the number of centurions transferring to Harvard or Yale, as well as the number receiving free tuition in respect of the godlike excellence that they acquired at Indiana Tech.

How did the university honor its last graduating class? Not in the slightest. They got their degrees like everyone else but no other recognition, not even a mention of their status as the law school's final alumni. Indeed, only 5 of the 21 graduates even attended the ceremony; most or all of the others boycotted it so as not to have to confront the university's retiring president on the daïs. Apparently they had drunk the administrative Kool-Aid and believed that a mean official killed off their thriving gem of a law school. Instead, these worthies held their own ceremony at the Allen County Public Library (which, incidentally, houses one of the finest collections of genealogical information—something worth knowing the next time you pass through beautiful metropolitan Fort Wayne), where they paid homage to dean Charles Cercone and associate dean Charles MacLean. The twin Chucks richly deserved that inspiring accolade.

What will happen to the building erected specially for the law school? The university has not yet decided. It has, however, already sent workers in to measure the classrooms, although an examination of the blueprints should suffice. The fate of the curated art collection and the endowments for scholarships also remains unknown. As for the library's inventory, anyone wanting to bid on it should perhaps call Indiana Tech. This may be a rare opportunity to acquire rare volumes on the subject of Law & Hip-Hop.

And whither the distinguished faculty? What shall become of such superstars as André Douglas "Dougie Fresh" Pond Cummings, whose "reputation goes far beyond ... the nation, and is heard in every corner of the globe, wrestling with legacies of legal thinking on one hand and popular culture on the other"; Adam Lamparello, tell-all autobiographer and all-purpose tramp; and Aretha Green, noted for her refined palate (fried bologna with mayonnaise being her favorite delicacy), her sophisticated hobbies (snooping in houses), and her disdain for books? At the time of publication, I had not been able to verify the abundant rumors of deanships at the Sorbonne and sable-carpeted corner offices in New York's white-shoe law firms.

I'd like to conclude this eulogy with a musical tribute, written to the tune of "Back Home Again in Indiana". Pity that it's too late to hire Hoosier pride and joy Jim Nabors to intone it at a ceremony in honor of those valiant legal centurions with freshly issued JDs.

Back home again in Indiana,
Where it seems that I just saw
The Wabash Cannonball
Go to the wall:
Fort Wayne's toilet school of law.
Discordant strains of hip-hop echo
From the remnants of the wreck.
No more Global Leadership along the Wabash;
Turn the lights out at Indiana Tech.


  1. Since you're into musical tributes, let's not forget Indiana Wants Me by R. Dean Taylor.

    1. Feel free to write a parody of that one.

      I thought about "On the Banks of the Wabash, Far Away". And "Gary, Indiana" (from The Music Man) could be turned into "Fort Wayne, Indiana".

  2. Toledo has taken in several students from that cesspit, for $ome rea$on.

  3. Mazeltov!

    Now we need at least 100 more law schools to close.

    I briefly looked for Adam Lamparello and Dougie Fresh on the web. I was sure they'd taken some sinecure in a Biglaw firm, possibly with the esteemed Senior Partner name. Alas, no mention. Possibly they're girding their loins for the next scam, maybe penny stocks, or gold plated coins, hundreds of tiny, tiny ads.

  4. Indiana Tech's home page used to feature a smiling young man named David Felts saying "If the current Circuit Court Judge for Allen County recommends a certain law school, it is definitely a school to consider and attend." The "certain law school", of course, was Indiana Tech (they'd hardly promote Whittier on their Web site), and the judge in question was ... Daddy (namely, the Hon. Thomas Felts, who had helpfully "recommend[ed]" the toilet before it even opened).

    Even after someone here exposed this deceptive stunt, Indiana Tech left smiling young Felts there, with his oblique reference to his own father.

    What happened to Felts the Younger? Did he ever pass a bar exam anywhere? He wasn't the one graduate who passed in Indiana last summer. Could he have been the one who later scraped through on appeal? Or is he instead unable to practice law, even with boundless help from Daddy?

    1. Per the Indiana Roll of Attorneys site, he was sworn in May of this year. Seems likely that he passed the February bar, but the site does not indicate whether he got in on appeal or by exam. Since the one applicant whose appeal succeeded was admitted sometime around December 16/January 17, a second go at the bar exam matches up better with the timing.

    2. Thanks for tracking that information down. So he was admitted last month, a year after graduating. Maybe he did indeed repeat the exam. Or maybe he just deferred it.

      See this year-old article:

      Amusing words from Mr. Felts, who graduated with honors from Indiana Tech: "If we can pass the bar at a higher rate than average, that will prove to the legal community and all the naysayers out there that we’re a viable institution and that we’ll be around for many years to come." Well, Mr. Felts, "we" saw only one person pass (and one more upon appeal), out of the twelve who took the exam. And "we" weren't around for even one more year. Maybe "all the naysayers out there" should have been heeded.

      What did Daddy have to say? "I think the energy the school is going to generate, it’s going to take a little while, but three to five years and Indiana Tech is going to be on par with the rest of the schools in the state."

      He couldn't even weave his platitudes together into a coherent sentence. But his prediction could yet come true. Will the four other law schools in Indiana shut their doors by 2021? Let's hope so.

  5. "Valparaiso Law School had a total of five applications from Indiana Tech and expects two will matriculate in the fall with one student repeating the entire first year."

    Imagine the ignominy of having Valpo refuse to accept credits upon transfer.

    Here we apparently have a proven failure, someone who couldn't even get results at Indiana Tech that were good enough for Valpo. Yet Valpo accepted the "student" on the condition of repeating the whole year. Isn't it obvious that that person stands very little chance of getting through law school? Ah, but never mind, just go after the money, even scant months after being formally censured by the ABA for shabby admissions practices.

    1. Hopefully their gumption and moxie will carry them through law school to a fruitful career as an Attorney at Law.

  6. Excellent news! I need to buy myself some fine wine to celebrate! Although I do feel bad for the curated art collection... but the piggish faculty and the lemming students, not so much.

    (Oh, and one thing which I meant to say way back when: In a way, Indy Tech itself was like a lemming, trying to cash in on the law school scam when everyone else with even half a brain was trying to back out of it. Oh well, hopefully they learned something from this excessively expensive lesson...)